Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am curious about the subconscious messages my mind is trying to share in my dreams.  Of late, I've had dreams that I am transported into an alternate universe at night. It's an interesting environment to dream about. The dreams always start with me riding in a super speed rain train where I'm staring out the windows and marveling at the teal and white rocky mountains.... the people sitting next to me don't understand my shock. I tell them that the mountains I'm used to are purple.... they laugh. The lakes in the dreams are purple. The grass is silver. The cities look nearly the same. In these dreams, shopping is interesting. I had a dream of visiting a Macy's where I walked past a display of Madonna brand perfume, her picture had glowing blue robotic eyes which emanated from her face. I looked around and noticed some teens have adopted the style.  In my dream world, robotic eyes are a thing. One wonders if robotic eyes prev...

My father may not have loved his kids.  I should do my best to love my siblings, even the ones I haven't met yet.  Today I am thankful for my past.  I don't write about this much but I have nine half-siblings.  I may be confused, it may be seven.  I could be adding my step-brother into the mix. It may be seven.  I have six-half siblings who were birthed by my father's first wife.  There was one that found me when she got her adoption paperwork as an adult.  I have my sister. I have an older step-brother who was a back up singer for a well known pop star until he discovered cocaine.  He had a record album produced in 1983.  It never hit the market.  He wanted to go by the stage name Ronnie Lee.  I have no idea who has the album that graced our living room growing up.   I lost contact with him after his father (my step-dad) committed suicide. 6 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 9 I have nine siblings that I know about. I d...

Today I am thankful for a Facebook discovery.   In June, my stalkerish ex-husband told me that he didn't want to comply with the divorce decree because I lied about being stalked and was actually stalking him in an attempt to get him fired. That's his excuse for not sharing income information to recalculate the child support that we gutted last year due to his alleged drug and/or alcohol addiction.  If I don't know where he works or how much he makes, he reasons, I can't accuse him of stalking me. Of course, he doesn't have an addiction...at least that's what he tells me. I assume he's living with his mother and working as a tax auditor.  I have no real reason to believe otherwise. Later in the same conversation, he admits I've been stalked and blames this guy I dated on and off for six months about five years ago. The guy I dated has the same name as a famous football player hailing from San Francisco.  This guy told me he had a cluster...

Today I am thankful for realizations and revelations.  In June, my ex wanted me to drop everything and drag the kids out to a theater.  I called him to try to talk to him about a static visitation schedule.  He's only had one visit since he was court ordered out of my house for the second time. It was at a theater. The visit ended fairly abruptly after the movie.  I was under the impression that he would visit with them over dinner and take a walk with them.  I had allotted the entire afternoon or the visit. It was over well before the two hour mark.  I was still at my eye appointment and my eyes were dilated so I wasn't ready to drive.  A local teenager drove out to pick them up as he had left them in a parking lot. That's not something I want to repeat. In that conversation, I asked to exchange income information as per our divorce agreement and he refused.  In his refusal, he accused me of stalking.  He stated that I called his...