Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I'm thankful that I realized the costs of narcissistic abuse.  An activist friend of mine died one hour shy of his 79th birthday.  We weren't close but I trusted him and I heeded every piece of advice he shared with me. He tried to reach out a couple of months ago.  I wasn't Facebook, so I didn't see it. He is not the only person I've let down. I'm ignoring my 12 sisters.  One of whom is a patient where I work.  I never told her who I am.  She only knows my voice because we speak on the phone.  I only know her name because she's tried to connect with me online. It would seem that fibromyalgia runs in the family - but- I didn't say that.  When she meets me, she'll figure it out on her own. I've had a hard time finding time to help another psychotherapist pass her MAC exam. I need to go to meetings with a clinical supervisor so I can get licensed as an addiction counselor. I'm not taking new clients, supporting my friend...

Today I am thankful for the grace of others.  I had to take a loan out to fix up the house. As you probably know, my marriage ended ten years prior to the finalization of the divorce.  My ex had numerous ways to put off the divorce. He had never-ending legal issues which he didn't resolve.  My lawyer suggested waiting until these ended to file. Sigh.... I never wanted the house.  I expected him to take it.  I hadn't worked a real job in two decades and I doubted I could make the mortgage payments. I expected him to get the house and the kids. I expected to pay child support. Of course, my ex demanded that I keep the house.  We had little equity in it due to the housing crisis. One lawyer thought he wanted me to stay in the house so he could continue to stalk me.   My plan was to sell it after the divorce was final. The only problem was that he refused to move out for three years, two months and five days after he was initially cou...

If there were really were a recovery center for aging former models, who still wear funky clothes, too much make-up and heels far too high for their age, I'd love to attend a short in-patient stay.  I would need extensive outpatient care, too.  Sigh... . Today I am thankful for working in recovery.   It's no secret that my parents died from addiction.  Well they didn't die from addiction, per se - they died from the stupid crap addicts do.  My mother was beaten to death by my step-father on Valentine's Day 1984.  He was drunk.  The paramedics brought her back but she died two days later on her 36th birthday.  This would play out in my life as a love would nearly kill me with a hammer on Thanksgiving Eve 1991.  I was 21.   My father took off when I was five.  I tried to find him numerous times but the Social Security office told me that he was dead.  He wasn't.  I've only recently learned of 15 half-s...

Today I am thankful for all those hours I spent with my Peavy T-40 and my metronome.  Today, I learned that I really kick ass doing CPR. I probably shouldn't talk about it publicly out of respect for the other party.  Maybe all those hours of practice were intended to help me save someone some day.  It doesn't seem like a waste of time now. It makes sense that the old bass would be the final birthday present given to me by my paramedic step-father. Perhaps I should leave him some cigarettes and a shot of vodka at his grave site as a token of thanks.   Love ya, S.